Te extraño

This is for my grandma. I always wish I got to call her abuela but after you turn five you really can’t change the way you call someone in your family, especially when they’re older then you and raised you lol. She would eat up the fact that I’m making this site and sharing my experiences on a platform like this. This past March she passed and everyday has been tough since. She was my second parent. Growing up with just my mom, she was always the person I ran to when I needed to vent and have my mom hear my side out. She helped me advocate for myself when I felt like I couldn’t.

I’ve picked up so many traits from her. I’m 100% this big of a cat lady because of her. In another life we would’ve opened up an animal shelter to take in and care for as many animals as possible. She was always taking care of the neighborhood animals everywhere she went. I’ve started to carry cat treats in my bag just like her just in case I run into a furry baby. This has paid off because the gym cats definitely love me. I have vivid memory of needing a tissue and her having to take out treats that were wrapped up inside them, and I had to blow my nose in a chicken flavored tissue. But that was my grandma. I fear I might even come back home with a Mauritian cat if I have my way – I know the travel can be a lot but if I find one here and have no one to give them away too, you’re coming home with meeee. One time when she came back from Puerto Rico, we were surprised when alongside her bags, she was carrying a crate of three kittens that joined our family.

Another one that I think is so stupid and silly that I’ve picked up from her was forgetting my morning cups of coffee in the microwave haha. This behavior was obviously while I was in my own place and not while I’ve been staying with Alex’s family. The cycle of drinking half my coffee, putting it in the microwave to warm up, going about my day and the following morning going to warm up my half drank cup of coffee finding yesterday’s mug waiting to be cherished. This is my karma for the amount of times I was annoyed finding her mug in the microwave when I was younger.

I really don’t know how to explain her role in my life but she wasn’t just my grandma. I’m privileged and lucky to get to miss her so much. She loved hard and taught me so much. She taught me to dance bachata and merengue – but not spanish ik. She did her best but I always struggled learning. Plus she’s the OG baddie of the family. The last few months she and her friends spilled about the fun they’ve had. I learned that she’s the reason why I love myself an elevated surface. She’s the reason I love to go out and dance and move.

My liberal queen. She would hate where the world is right now and daily would go on a rant about how she doesn’t understand why people are behaving this way. If she were able, she would 100% be at as many protests as she could.

I think the hardest part about being abroad this far away is going through my list of family that I need to update and getting to her contact and realizing I can’t. Grief is a weird thing because I some days I don’t even think about her and others I can’t stop going through old pictures and listening to her voicemails. I miss my girl, she was really my favorite person to just sit on the phone and talk with for hours -hearing about the cats, Kobe, and whatever was happening in life. I’m not sure if it’s the pisces in me or my overly sensitiveness but I try to embrace my feelings to be able for her to know she’s loved and missed. Enjoy some of my favorite pictures of her below.